party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
