This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
