You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
