Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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