My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
