Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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