she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
