he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i've created a new STD.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
