is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
