I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
