thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
