I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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