he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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