I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
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