well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
