she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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