I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
