Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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