You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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