you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
