Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
