A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
