Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Pooping to opera.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
