i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
