he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
