I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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