Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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