why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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