I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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