I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
