Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
