this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
