Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
