I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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