I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
