i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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