I want to have your abortion
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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