Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
