i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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