What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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