you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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