Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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