with your own penis?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
