If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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