She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
