i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
