Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize