I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
