omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
