ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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