I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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