I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize