Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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