They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I cannot find my penis.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
