i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
