your thong is hanging out like whoa
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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