I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
