youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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