I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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