Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
