Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
