I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
