My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he thought i was a dude.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
