you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
