Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
