DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He better not be in your backpack
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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