Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize