EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize